Getting Stuff Off My Chest

This week has been a good week. Albeit a hard week too. The hard was that my whole family got sick. Not just your run of the mill cold but super pukey and poopy kind of sick. TMI..I know but anyway that made for not too much fun for mommy who was also sick during all of this. The other thing that has been hard and really weighing on my mind this week was something that Jake and I were planning to do this coming year. We were planning on having our last and final baby this next year. We have since decided not to do that and to put it off. There are many reasons behind this. Mainly that I am still having a hard time adjusting to Bri. She is such a sweet girl she really is but she has this switch in her that takes place from time to time. There are days that she is happy and wonderful and just such a good girl and a joy...a pure joy! But there are days that she screams and screams on end. Yelling on the top of her lungs, throwing tantrums. It seems like nothing that I do makes a difference. I won't have done anything different from the day before when she is just wonderful and happy. I don't know what causes it. I knew getting into all of this that she had been exposed to many substances while in utero from her biological mother. How much those have affected her I don't know. I don't know if we will ever really know. But for now we struggle. We struggle to find out what works, what doesn't. We struggle to teach her things. And truth be told I want to enjoy my "last" baby. I want to enjoy being able to hold and nurse and just be with my last baby and the only way that I think that that will happen with Bri is to let her have more time to grow and have more time for us to figure out what is going on with her and what we need to do to help her. She needs to be more stable with us and the only thing that gives her that is time. I really hope that this helps her. Love you Bri! (And just in case any one is keeping count or something or judging this on spelling and grammar...I am not... It's a place for me to vent!)